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By the way, the name’s PUNKETTA DOILIE – like DO I LIE – not “dolly”.
Born June 8th many years before the invention of the internet,Punketta immediately took steps to ensure she would remain sole Doilie heir. When asked if she wanted a baby brother or sister, her vow she’d “kill ’em in the womb!” caused considerable concern for the well-being of both mother and future siblings, as well as casting serious doubt as to the young Punketta’s anger management skills. She remained an only child.
Young Doilie showed aptitude in the art of warfare at an early age; she found ways to get what she wanted, and she wanted everything. The residents of her small town did not appreciate her firey spirit and willful individualism. In fact, the neighborhood watch, seen in many communities today, was originally initiated to monitor the behavior of the then un-dredded Dred Pirate Punketta.
Her constant looting, pillaging, rampaging and cattle hustling caused great distress among landowners, and it was thought that her wild fun-havin’ was having a negative effect on the youth of the town (particularly the young ladies) The town secretly planned to arrest and imprison her, but the Sheriff’s daughter betrayed the dastardly plot, and Punketta slipped away in the darkest hour before dawn.
She then spent many years wandering, attended several higher learning institutions where she showed great promise but little patience with fellow students, pirated a radio station, avoided capture, and finally settled in the seaside town of Boston, Massachusetts, where her wild carousing gained her the admiration of certain townsfolk, the respect of scurvy dogs, and the undying devotion of almost everyone she met (the ones that didn’t suck, anyway). She met up with several characters of an equally dubious nature known to law enforcement as “the Usual Suspects” and so begun the battle for fortune on the (very) high seas in earnest.
With an evil orange glowing pirate flag, a belly full of bile and fire, and a battle cry of “Fuck Hope!”, the Dred Pirate Punketta Doilie seeks to destroy boredom, get you completely trashed, avoid legal implications and serious bodily injury, and destroy every motherfucker that gets in her way, while practicing industrial-era agonism and performing darkhaus witchcraft. She is available for guest DJ slots, riots, weddings and beer o’clocks as well as other questionable activities. (Girlgang entourage available for additional fee).