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who is Gary Paradise? scholars maintain he is crafted solely from hawaiian shirts and bacardi silver, omnipresent yet nowhere to be seen. he is a ghost among funky basslines, a pioneer of getting bucky. he invented the beach. he also invented dancing. once he was asked to play at queen elizabeth’s birthday party, and had to decline because he was already playing at sean paul’s birthday party. that’s right, sean paul. next time you find yourself dipped in gold on a millionaire’s yacht, know that you are not alone – Gary will be next to you, guiding you.